Popstar Polly

We'll see our baby again

2010-02-22T09:23:00.000-08:00

I really posted this just for my own personal memories, so if you are sensitive or emotional, please don't read.

I had all the symptoms. It started with constipation. I was really stuffy. Headaches. A little bit nauseous.

I took a test as E watched me. I didn't want him to, he just did. I walked away and didn't go back for a while because I really didn't think I could be.

When I went back... two lines... clear as day, looking me in the face. What a shocker! I was happy, scared, and worried about what Nate would say.

When Nate got home, he was actually happy.

Like I'm sure every couple does, we made plans and we got excited. We told everyone.

Our first ultrasound was at the hospital. The expressionless ultrasound technician did the scan and everything looked fine. Then we sat down with the doctor who also said everything was fine. We just debated whether or not I should be doing the Lovenox injections.

The next day I called my ob's office and she said something about a sub-chorionic bleed. Of course I got nervous but she said it is common and everything could be fine. The next day I started spotting. It was just a little bit so I wasn't too overly afraid. The next two weeks were kind of a blur. I continued to spot off and on and I started to think things might not be good. I had another ultrasound at my ob's office, and she said things were fine.

Then on Saturday January 30th, I had another ultrasound at the hospital. The lady was wonderful and the scan was wonderful. To see that amazing little heartbeat. So strong, so reassuring, so beautiful. The look on Nate's face was unforgettable. He looked so relieved. At that point, I thought things were going to be fine. We left the hospital so happy. We went to get Ice Cream & took some back to Nate's mom & dad & Ethan.

Paige, Bailey & Jill were there. Jill made the comment that this baby should be named David like David & Goliath because of all he has been through so far.

Things were great. A moment in my life I'll never forget.

Monday I woke up spotting again. This time a little more and a little more red. I was scared again. I went to work but came home a couple of hours later.

The next day, I was nauseous as can be and ended up getting the flu that afternoon. I was miserable. I felt horrible and almost went to the hospital for IV treatment. I also started spotting more that night. Again... a little heavier and a little more red.

I didn't have a good feeling.

The next day I gathered up all of my energy to go to the hospital for another scheduled ultrasound.
In the waiting room, I prayed for a nice ultrasound technician.

When we got in the room before I even laid back, I cried hard. I knew what we were about to go through.

She started scanning me and first checked my ovaries and uterus. The longest minutes ever. I'll never forget, seeing the baby on the screen. We could just tell that the baby had passed. He looked so lifeless, so still. Then when she went to check for a heartbeat... just a straight line. Not like the previous scans where you see the lines & hear the loud thumping sound. I wanted to lay there forever and just look at my baby. I knew that this would be the last time I would see our baby on this earth.

For anyone that hasn't experienced a miscarriage before, I can tell you it is one of the hardest things to go through. Everyone will tell you that there was probably something wrong with the baby and its God's way of taking care of things. Yes, I know. This is true. But it's not what we wanted. We wanted to see our baby, hold our baby, love our baby. Why does God allow you to conceive in the first place if there is something wrong?

The first couple of days I felt o.k. and strong. Then I started to get more depressed. I couldn't really eat. I did eat, but nothing sounded or tasted good.

The first day I went back to work I went to get a coffee. It took me a while to take a drink. I wasn't supposed to be drinking coffee. Caffeine is not good for the baby. Wow that was hard. I cried and cried in my car. Then I prayed and I felt better. The song on the radio was saying. "There's a raging sea, right in front of me, wants to pull me in, bring me to my knees. So let the waters rise if you want them to. I will follow you. I will follow you.

My first miscarriage brought me closer to God and this one has too.

I also heard an amazing song that coincidentally my mom, sister, nieces, Ethan and I walked in a horrible storm to listen to at Alive. I listened closely to the words and was amazed how it related to my situation. Greater things have yet to come and greater things have yet to be done in the city.

I thought about our baby and how much we would have loved this precious child. But God has bigger plans and we will have another child and things will be o.k.

Ethan & the singing gingerbread man

2009-12-06T12:50:00.000-08:00

We decorated the tree Friday night and E loved it. He hated the part where we spent nearly 2 hours searching for the perfect tree. Because my husband is very particular about his live Christmas trees, Ethan and I chased him around the Christmas tree farm. Usually E doesn't complain about anything but the 30 degree weather might have had something to do with it. Anyhow, after getting the Christmas decorations out, E amused himself by dancing in circles to the music from the singing gingerbread! Unforgettable!!

Oh and sorry that it's sideways, its the first time I shot video with my camera:)

My Heart collage

2009-11-30T03:43:00.000-08:00

I found this really cool link on a friend's blog where you can download software that uploads your photos and puts them in a collage. You can download it here.

A great Daddy!

2009-11-02T10:25:00.000-08:00

I ran across this collage I created for Nate on Father's day. I sometimes forget how good of a daddy he is.

Our second leak!

2009-11-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

One of our bathrooms is out of service, and now a second one! UGGGGGGGGH! Our master bathroom had a leak, we had a plumber come out and get everything fixed.

We still have to tile the tub area and the floor, so it is not useable.

Yesterday, down in our living room, I noticed the ceiling was puffy.... another leak. This time coming from E's bathroom. Plumber is coming out tomorrow. What's up with this? Is there something wrong with our house?

Why didn't we build? Or why don't we just sell the darn thing and move into something smaller, and I can quit my job and stay home with E?

Yet ANOTHER money pit.

Advice for new moms

2009-10-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

TOP 5 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR NEW MOMS

Not that I'm an expert or anything, but I consider myself to be a pretty darn good mommy. I was thinking the other day about the things I'd do differently with my next child and the things I'd do the same and thought I would come up with a list for my good friends that will be mommys soon. Not that they need any advice, they will do perfectly fine on their own, but here goes anyway.

#1 Seek and consult a good lactation consultant.

#2 Keep in mind, that the baby can cry for longer than 30 seconds, and s/he won't be scarred.

#3 Go out without the baby every once in a while.

#4 Trust your motherly instinct

#5 Let people help you

i love, i love, i love!

2009-10-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

i love when he runs around the island in the kitchen, laughing and screaming.

i love how he takes mommy & daddy's hand and leads us to where he wants to go.

i love when he wakes up from his nap, and he is so cranky and wants to be held tight.

i love his face when he drinks from a straw.

i love how he talks in his own little language and looks at us like we are supposed to understand him.

i love how he lays on his belly and stretches out in the bath tub.

i love how he can't have messy hands.

i love how he always wants to wear his crocs and gets upset if they aren't on.

i love how he takes his stuffed giraffe and bends his head down to eat the dog's food.

i love how he helps me unload the dishwasher, and lets the dogs, in and feeds the dogs.

i love how he waves bye to me when I put him in bed.

i love how he cried when I went to work yesterday morning. (and I hate it too)

A wonderful day at the park

2009-10-25T09:47:00.000-07:00

We went to the park the other day with the dogs.

I'm trying to make Brandie's days as happy as possible because you never know when she could leave me:(

Anyhow, we walked. We enjoyed the beautiful fall foliage. We cried. We tried to put Brandie in the stroller because she got tired. and we just overall, had fun.

I can't wait until E can run with me, which shouldn't be too much longer.

Our team ROCKED!

2009-09-29T04:27:00.000-07:00

This Sunday, for the third year, I walked with my mom in the Race for the Cure.

What an exciting and inspiring event. Over 18,000 people participated.

This year was better than ever. We actually stuck together this time. The previous years, our team split up. After last year's event I told our team we needed to stick together. Well, they actually listened and it made it that much more meaningful.

My mom's short, yet extremely brave fight with breast cancer makes me so proud to be her daughter. With the challenges she has been through in life, she is definately MY HERO.

Family horrified after restaurant bill makes clear what waiters thought of Molly, two

2009-09-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

We've had numerous occasions where E gets fussy at a restaurant. I don't know how I'd react if I saw this. (see last item on receipt) Is further action against her is really necessary? The restaurant was totally wrong but come on, people will sue over anything.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1212583/Family-horrified-getting-restaurant-describing-year-old-daughter-little-f--er.html#ixzz0R5iq74Pm

Happy positive thoughts

2009-09-08T05:05:00.000-07:00

I was thinking today. Thinking more than usual. I know a scary thought.

Everyday is such a rush. A rush to get done with work. A rush to cook dinner. A rush to get through the day. I'm not sure why this is. My life is so wonderful and I don't want to rush a minute of it. Why? So I can get older, so my son can grow up, so things will be different. I like things the way they are.

I'm amazed everyday by our amazing God. I found out over the weekend that a prayer had been answered. One that has been heavy on my heart. I'm so thankful that a great friend of mine has been given an extraordinary gift like no other.

By the way, a lady at the coffee shop got sooo upset that they were out of lids and got mad at the employee. Come on, is that really something to let bother you? Don't sweat the small stuff:)

Ethan sick AGAIN.

2009-08-26T17:14:00.001-07:00

It started two weeks ago yesterday. A runny nose and all the other common cold symptoms. He started to get a cough and we got him to the doctor.

Tried antibiotics and I thought he was getting better until Saturday night. He got worse again and Nate took him to the doc Monday. His fever has been 102 on and off Monday & Tuesday and the poor thing just acts so miserable. I've never seen him like this.

We tried another antibiotic and then last night a bad rash. So we discontinued the antibiotic just in case the rash was from the medicine.

So the doctor told us today if we have another bad night, then blood work tomorrow. I've been nervous but now I'm starting to get really worried.

I have to trust that God has everything under control.

ANOTHER sleepwalking episode.

2009-08-23T06:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, I had yet another sleepwalking episode.

I've actually been much better, but not last night.

A loud truck drove down the street which I thought was driving through our backyard into Ethan's room. I jumped up and hit my ankle on part of our bed rail that sticks out and ran into E's room. It was then I started to wake. And it was then I started to feel the pain. My ankle has a big chunk of skin taken out of it and is swollen and hurts...

Now - don't move!

2009-08-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

We went to the Mud Hens game Sunday. You know a toddler is not going to sit and watch baseball! So he just walked all over the place & Nate and I chased.

We met Spike and E absolutely loved him.

In this picture, imagine the fun trying to get 6 little ones to pose for the camera. I thought we did pretty well. I love how you can see Nate's hands trying to get them to stay.

As always, fun with the "M" family.

Mischievous

2009-08-10T05:48:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, August 7, E was in rare form. He is normally mild tempered, calm and sweet.

Not Friday, he was getting into everything. I think he was thinking what can I get away with today?

Oh well, I still enjoyed it!

How many teeth do you need to eat corn on the cob?

2009-08-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

Ethan's favorite food is corn on the cob! This started about a month ago, and I can't believe he can eat it. He actually gets almost every kernel.

We still need to teach him to use two hands when he holds it, now he only uses the one hand or he leaves it on his tray and puts his head down to it.

Good times with Florida friends

2009-08-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

Our good friends came home for a visit & brought their beautiful new son. I wish I had a picture to post.

I was amazed at how well E got along with their older son. We always said they'll be pen pals someday writing eachother about how lame their parents are.

Anyways last Wednesday, we hung out on the back porch, just like the good ol' days. Here are some pics. I posted the before & after so you could see how dark the first one was. All you can really see are our teeth. And in the after pic, I chose to take out a few items... gotta love photoshop:)

New words to add including a BAD word

2009-08-03T05:50:00.000-07:00

E started talking a lot more this weekend.

Everytime he saw a bug he would yell "Bee"... very funny.

A while back I said "s**t"

I know... I could probably type it, it's not like it's that bad of a word.

Anyways, I said it once, and now E likes to say it. And before a lot of his words he says Ahh.
Like Ahh shoes or Ahh duck. Well now it's Ahh s**t. Seems a little crazy coming from a 19-month-old.

Other new words include: fire & battery. The last one is according to my mom. I didn't actually hear it.

At what age do you outgrow one-sies?

2009-07-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

I don't really care... I love, love, love "E" in one-sies. I think it makes me feel like he is still a baby. He is growing up way to fast anyway.

Sunday we played out behind mimi & grandpa's house. E loved the sticks, rocks & pine cones!

Ethan's first words

2009-07-27T08:32:00.000-07:00

dog, hot, more, shorts, dad, mom, grandpa, bob, phone, outside, inside, flower, shoe, socks, eye, truck, ride, bike, (ba)nana, potty

I was trying to think of all the words that Ethan says. Here a few so far. I know there are a more but this is what initially comes to mind.

2009-07-27T06:02:00.000-07:00

Ethan's latest words:

dog
hot
shorts
bike
truck
dad (of course)
mom
grandpa
bob
cheese
more

Almost 3 years!

2009-07-27T04:33:00.000-07:00

Almost 3 years since I've posted an entry. Oh well, I'll try again even though I know I am fickle to all of these new computer fads.

Things are a little different now with a baby. I guess not really a baby - an 18-month-old.

We bought a potty chair for Ethan, not expecting anything, just to introduce it. Well... he actually went in it. I know this is not to say he will be potty-trained soon, but definately a step in the right direction:)

MEOW!

2006-11-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

For some unknown reason, my cat loves to wake me up at around 4 in the morning. It sounds like a baby crying. Maybe it is due to the fact that he is 20 lbs and all he wants to do is eat. I don't know, it is starting to drive me crazy. Usually after I can't take it anymore, I'll go give him more food. Then about 5 minutes after that he makes out another really interesting sound. Do you think something might actually be wrong with him?

I love Dupree

2006-11-25T18:11:00.000-08:00

So my husband and I watched You, Me and Dupree the other day. I wasn't thrilled with the movie. They make such a big deal out of these movies with these popular hollywood stars and then the story line really stinks. Anyways, I did love Dupree's character. Just that made the movie worth watching. I especially loved the part where he was sitting on the bench out in the rain, he looked so cute and helpless.

We also watched the Break-up. That was another movie that needed some help. Although my husband and I really laughed because when they did the fight scene, it was just like my husband and I. "I want you to want to do the dishes!" "Why would I want to do the dishes?" My husband always says "I'll do them later." Who really wants to let dishes sit in their sink. I know I don't.

Protect your heart

2006-11-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

Protect your heart and never ignore the signs of a heart attack.

Someone very dear to me was experiencing nausea, cold sweats, dizziness and severe jaw pain but thought "I can't be having a heart attack, I am too young to have a heart attack." She is 30 years old and is in good physical shape and takes care of herself. Why her?

The doctors still do not know exactly what caused her heart attack. All of her arteries were clear. This just goes to show you that you need to watch the signs no matter what age you are and live every day to it's fullest.

The OC

2006-11-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

I miss Marissa! I'm mad that this show is on the same time as Grey's Anatomy but I've watched the OC longer so the OC it is. It is going to be so hard to watch it without Marissa. She definately made the show. I was very proud of Ryan last night for controlling his anger.

Blog

2006-11-09T14:17:00.000-08:00

O.k. I hate reading directions but I am trying to set up a blog and I am sure it is easy but here is my first posting.

O.k. I managed to upload a picture of my pride & joy "Brandie." She will be 12 this month and I love her to pieces.